You're not broken. You're not damaged.

I have a copy of The body keeps score by Bessel Van Der Kolk. It is old, marked up, and tattered. I have paragraphs highlighted, ideas underlined, and thoughts scribbled all over. On page 2, I have the following paragraph marked up,

'Research from these new disciplines has revealed that trauma produces actual physiological changes, including a recalibration of the brain’s alarm system, an increase in stress hormone activity, and alterations in the system that filters relevant information from irrelevant. We now know that trauma compromises the brain area that communicates the physical, embodied feeling of being alive.'

That sets the foundation for the entire book. And it’s followed by this,

'These changes explain why traumatized individuals become hypervigilant to threat at the expense of spontaneously engaging in their day-to-day lives. They also help us understand why traumatized people so often keep repeating the same problems and have such trouble learning from experience. We now know that their behaviors are not the result of moral failings of signs of lack of willpower or bad character-they are caused by actual changes in the brain.'

A traumatic situation literally changes how your brain is wired resulting in changes in how you think and respond. I think this point is vital because it seems there is quite a social stigma and a lot of judgement around not only sexual assault but also the lasting effects it has on an individual and their life. A person who experiences these changes post trauma has trouble controlling their responses and while their reaction may not seem normal or ‘like themselves’ it is something they can’t control. Fortunately, there has been decades worth of research on the subject and we are starting to get somewhere with understanding and treating PTSD and traumatic events.

'We can now develop methods and experiences that utilize the brain’s own natural neuroplasticity to help survivors feel fully alive in the present and move on with their own life.'

The page goes on to talk about 3 avenues that have been developed and can be used independently or in conjunction with one another. The first option discusses the ‘top down’ theory which involves talking so that a person can connect and reconnecting with individuals and allowing one’s self to understand and accept what is going on within them. The second option discussed shutting down unsuitable alarm reaction by changing the way the brain organizes information. The third option discusses a ‘bottom up’ theory which focuses on allowing the body the create new thoughts and feelings that are opposite from the helplessness, rage, or collapse felt in the original trauma.

It seems that the most common approach today tends to focus on taking medication in order to terminate inappropriate alarm actions, however, this book highlights that there are many alternative routes the afford you the freedom to heal and recreate a healthy life you love on a more permeant basis.

As a life coach, I have done research and have created my own theory for practicing coaching and working with survivors. I believe that humans have an innate desire to continue growing and learning and, when given the space, we will self-identify and self-prioritize issues in their own life. Working with a life coach provides the safe space for a client to look at what is going on in their life and create unique solutions specific to their life, concerns, dreams, and desired outcomes.

When working with a life coach, it is our job to help you find out what works best for you so that you can truly heal and live life. There are so many interventions that can be used independently or in conjunction to work specifically for you.

Instead of avoiding, hiding, or tolerating aspects of your life that you obviously don’t like and don’t suit you, why not try something new out and work on yourself for a change? At what point are you going to be sick and tired of being sick and tired and do something about it? What is it going to take for you to stand up for yourself? When are you going to try something new?

You're not broke, you're not damaged. You went through a horrible, traumatic experience that changed the way your brain works. Let's get you, your brain, and your body working together and working for you again.